I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
So squirting runs in the family.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
