this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
