i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
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this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
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Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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