How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
