You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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