'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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