He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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