You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
