If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
