how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize