last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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