Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
