...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
