btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Buhtt sex?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
