Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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