How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
