Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
