I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
