You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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