I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
