I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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