he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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