I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
This toilet bowl is my home.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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