I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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