I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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