So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
