so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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