this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You pole danced in your parka.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
