Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
