I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
