i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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