My friends, they love my intelligence
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
