Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
