I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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