Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
