omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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