I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
