Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
