Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
