Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
