I hate all girls vehemently.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
