Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
return my video game
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
