You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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