What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
