beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
