a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
no, he came in my armpit
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.