called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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