and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....