If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?