Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(240): View more from Maryland

I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.

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(407): View more from Florida

Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?

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25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Read it at the TFLN blog
(205): View more from Alabama

That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".

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(989): View more from Michigan

I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.

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(207): View more from Maine

If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.

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(540): View more from Virginia

Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.

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(519): View more from Ontario

What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid

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