Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.