She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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