He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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