ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
send nudes
from the living room?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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