i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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