i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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