ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
did i just pee glitter
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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