Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Randomize