the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
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Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
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idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'm always down for nudity.
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