I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
