it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
