well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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