you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
