o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
