On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
