I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
