Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We had sex on a dog bed..
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
