Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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