There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
